Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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