There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize