Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I would ride that face into the sunset
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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