When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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