yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
