I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
