I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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