youre lurking in front of me
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
