hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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