is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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