whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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