i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize