i was born a porn star she said
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize