Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
