What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
