Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize