god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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