Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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