Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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