i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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