I got chris browned last night
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
