I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
