she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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