____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
