GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
