I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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