the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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