At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
