So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
