I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
