where does the pee come out of this thing
why do cheetos always look like penises
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
