It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
