oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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