i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
