I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
