My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
