Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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