She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
