Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
