I'd wear matching sweaters with you
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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