i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
