My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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