I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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