so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
