I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We need to get me chipped asap
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
