Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
