You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
