Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
