I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
