Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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