hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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