Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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