my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
