just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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