So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
