It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Randomize