I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
