was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Shame is for Republicans.
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