Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
