I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
