4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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