I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize