It was confusing and full of hummus
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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