I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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