He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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