Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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