Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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