I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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