She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize