He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
