Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
