They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize