you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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