I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
