It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
