This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
