it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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