Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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