he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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