I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
