I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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