Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
