You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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