an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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