of course. lets lasso hookers.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
