he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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