Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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