dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
