i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My balls are so social today.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
