wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
