She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The best revenge is premature balding
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
