he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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