Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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