it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There's always time for handjobs
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
