Duck Duck Cougar?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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