fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
