I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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