Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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