This girl is more easily done than said...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
