The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
