Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
