At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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