Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I didn't notice because vodka
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
