So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
