You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I came so hard my ears popped.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize