umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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