Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
