Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You made out with two different species that night
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
