Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
