he wants to bone in the snuggie
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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