Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just tell him i said nine months
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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