Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Please don't give away my fajitas
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
