theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I have feelings that need drinking.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
