i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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