Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
