and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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